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<title>this is me trying by lesbiansofkyoshi (ranpoandpoe)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921615">this is me trying</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranpoandpoe/pseuds/lesbiansofkyoshi'>lesbiansofkyoshi (ranpoandpoe)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A:TLA Femslash Week 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Canon Compliant, F/F, Lesbian Character, Polyamory, Song: this is me trying (Taylor Swift), Threesome - F/F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:15:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>908</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranpoandpoe/pseuds/lesbiansofkyoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I didn't know you'd care if I came back / I have a lot of regrets about that" (Taylor Swift)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula/Mai/Ty Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A:TLA Femslash Week 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>this is me trying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlaworld/gifts">Atlaworld</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>atla femslash week - day 6: second chances</p>
<p>i'm obsessed with folklore, you just KNOW i had to</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I was shiny and new; I was the trend, but forgot that trends would eventually be overused. No, I didn’t forget: I thought I was different. It would never be a good idea, to think I was different from everyone else. I see that now. I could complain about not having anyone to tell me that when I needed, but would I have listened?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I wouldn’t have noticed the way I relied on you, the two girls I trusted enough to guard my back. I trusted you enough to never make background checks, because I knew you’d be there. I just didn’t realise that you’d always be there with one condition: that I’d be there, too. And forgetting that, I took you for granted. I shot so many fatal words when I was mad, words and lightning, and I’d hope that none of those were directed at you, even though I know it did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’d been falling to pieces this whole time and now I’m picking them up in your doorway. Well, not exactly a doorway- “Azula?!” I heard your excited voice shout. You said it happily, as usual, but I noticed a shadow pass by your cheerful face, when you remembered what we did, what I did. It wasn’t like you </span>
  <em>
    <span>forgot, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but being happy to see me was your natural reaction for long, I guess you got used to it. I’d be unable to say I dislike it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mai! Let’s talk to her,” you called her, in a slightly lower voice, but still loud. I let out a little smile as I saw you two walking towards me, alongside nostalgic thoughts. What could we have been if I hadn’t ruined everything? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Azula.” It was Mai’s time to murmur my name. She wouldn’t look so different to everyone else, but I could see through the careless mask you always put on. Your voice was as broken as Ty Lee’s shadow, but you’d always been too proud to wear your emotions on your sleeve. Not that I’d ever blame you. “What are you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I took a deep breath. It was one of the few times in my life I caught myself nervous, and the both of you would always be between the fewer people who could make me feel this way. “I don’t know if you care that I came back. I have a lot of regrets, about that and other things. I know I… I don’t know exactly what to say, but I’m trying to. I’ve never been good with words, you know. Or actions, on that matter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not needing to look back, it was what I thought that was special about you, but when you left, I… I realised that I want to have someone I can look back to. That I don’t want to hate what I’m facing, but to protect what’s behind me, what I… what I love.” I tried not to be cowardly at this moment, but at that moment, I couldn’t take being brave anymore: I couldn’t look at your faces while or after I said that. “You don’t need to forgive me now, or at all. I guess I just… wanted you to know that this is me trying. I haven’t given a damn to many things in my life, but I want you two to know that I give a damn about this. About </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I was still looking down when I felt a familiar warmth: one that I’d been thinking about for so long, as long as I could remember. Your arms were around me, Ty Lee, always accepting and forgiving. I could still recall finding it silly; to me, it was naive and made you easy to be taken advantage of. But I was wrong, and I’m not ready to admit that out loud, but I will eventually, if you wait for me. I used to think your acceptance meant you loved everyone and everything around you equally, but you loved </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>in special.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was afraid you’d never come…!” You cried out, still hugging me. Not that I’d ever ask you to stop. “I knew you could do it! You have such a big heart, Azula! We’ll be here to support your trying! Right, Mai?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever…” You whispered in response, but I could see the blush in your cheeks, before and after Ty Lee pulled you into our hug. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed this…” The words left my mouth regardless of my control. “But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>get kisses later!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you will, babe! You’ve earned </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>the kisses in the world!” You exclaimed, excited as always, and I wanted to kiss you right there, but I waited for so long that I sure could do it for a few more hours, now that I had your hands and Mai’s inside my own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re as bossy as I remembered,” Mai teased. I knew I wasn’t or at least, something else had changed in that mind of yours, because you had a smirk on your lips </span>
  <span>— one I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>kiss tonight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>as pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up…” You whispered as Ty Lee laughed. Your red cheeks really suited the Fire Nation outfit you were still wearing, and even though you pretended to be irritated, you were still squeezing my hand. I smiled, walking between the two of you. I thought I needed an empire to have the whole world in my hands, but maybe I’ve always had it.</span>
</p>
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